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When lockdown was announced, it hit me full force.
Fear, mixed with a little novelty.
The fear I had met before. This might be the thing. This could be what breaks me.
Four years ago, I left the business I started ten years before that, and became a foster dad to three incredible kids.
A good day for us is never too far away from total collapse.
We live life close to the edge, just not in the extreme sports kind of way. More like “will taking on this one additional after-school club cause the weekly schedule to finally implode?”
While we struggled, we watched others bake bread. I was drowning while everyone bomb-dived around me. The house became a pressure cooker, and I spent various days quite unwell.
Thankfully, there have been highlights too.
Walking more. Getting outside more. Eating well. Sleeping better. In many ways, living better. For us, this awful experience was also a break from an already tough few years. The challenges of giving three children a much-needed new life are not so straightforward.
In amongst the pain, there was an opportunity. It’s taken me a while to realise there could be both.
We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life, and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs.
Katherine May ‘Wintering’
With each government update we seemed to lose a little more of what we loved, but the process also felt like clearing out a wardrobe. Reducing life down to three jumpers, some jeans, and a stack of t-shirts. Now, looking at the life we were left with, I could see the bits I truly loved.
Put another way: minimalists don’t mind missing out on small things; what worries them much more is diminishing the large things they already know for sure make a good life good.
Cal Newport ‘Digital Minimalism’
When we reduce what we own, we enjoy what we still have even more. It should be no surprise that the same happens when we do less. Yet, even in doing less, we retain that voice in our heads. The voice telling us if we aren’t happy with the life we’re living, then something needs to change. We’ve made the wrong choices, and now we need to set things straight.
I had forgotten I didn’t choose this.
None of us did.
We can hold ourselves accountable; but for what happens outside of our control we must simply accept and control the only thing we have ... our response.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about self-compassion, which for me is an upgrade on the (more popular than ever) self-care.
In particular, this quote:
If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?
Kamal Ravikant ‘Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It’
